Blood Plus: Maury Style!
by kissmyanimex2012
Summary: The crack sequel to "The Many Questions of Lulu" is here and it's totally OOC! Made out of complete boredom, the main cast of Blood Plus comes together & visits Maury! Le gasp, Aluvia's preggers! Nathan's gay for Haji? Amshel's a woman? READ UP!


Yay! A sequel to "The Many Questions of Lulu", featuring Maury!! Enjoy!

"Blood Plus - Maury Style!"

An ominous voice came from the TV.

"And welcome back to the Maury show! Today's guest are Aluvia, Solomon, and Moses."

The audience clapped and cheered. Solomon stood up and bowed.

"Thank you, I love all my bitches equally! Including you Aluvia…"

"… Shut up…"

Maury walked out on stage.

"All right Aluvia, the pregnancy tests are done. We have the results, would you like to see them?"

"… Duh, that's why I'm here…"

Maury coughed and opened the little envelope.

"And the results are in, Solomon you are NOT the father!"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo breathes ooooooo!"

Moses jumped up and did a pelvic thrust in the air.

"YES! That's right! Who's the father? I'M THE FATHER! WHO'S THE FATHER? _I'M_ THE FATHER!"

Maury's eyebrow twitched.

"Shut up, you aren't the father either…"

"… Aluvia… who else did you screw?!"

"…"

Suddenly, a figure jumped up from the audience.

"It's mine!"

Everyone turned to face the man. Aluvia gasped. Solomon, who was crying, stood up in outrage.

"HAJI?! Oh hell NAH!"

Yes, it was indeed the chevalier. Haji stood up and ran down to the stage.

"Oh hell YES! I've got to confess. It was a one night stand in New York, I didn't mean it! We were drunk! I thought she was ugly anyways…"

"WHAT?! You said I was the most beautiful woman you've ever seen!"

"cough Lied cough"

Suddenly another woman shot up in the audience.  
"Haji? I thought I was the most beautiful woman you ever saw! That bitch! You stole my man!"

Saya, in her rage mode, ran down to the stage and started cussing Aluvia out.

"Bitch, you better back up! Haji's mine!"

"Fuck off Saya, you flat-chested mother--"

"Oh no you didn't! Don't you go there!"

"I already did!"

And a catfight broke out. Maury stepped back as the guards rushed in and separated them. Maury coughed sheepishly and turned back to the audience. The males stood up and cheered.

"THAT'S RIGHT! KICK THAT BITCH'S ASS!"

"RIP HER SHIRT OFF!"

"SAYA! I CAN SEE UP YOUR SKIRT!"

"PIMP SLAP THAT HOE ALUVIA!"

"Interesting group, right? Well, our next guest is a 'Man' by the name of Amshel. Amshel, come out please?"

Amshel stepped out from behind the curtains and took a seat on the couch. Maury walked over and sat beside him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Amshel, tell us your story."

"… I don't really have one, but okay! I'll make one up."

"… never mind. Anyways, just tell us what happened in Russia."

"Oh yes, Russia. When I was trying to converse with Saya, I couldn't approach her in my male form so I turned into a woman by the name of Liza and--"

"So you're a transvestite?"

"… No, I just--"

"Yes you are. Admit it. Don't lie to yourself."

"I AM NOT A WOMAN…"

A person in the audience stood up.

"But then what's with the eyelashes? You know, the bottom ones?"

"… I like to take care of myself. I think they're attractive. The ladies seem to like them!"

"… Yeah, no we don't. It's just creepy…"

Maury stood up and looked at the audience.

"Alright, who thinks he's a woman?"

All the hands shot up. A vein popped in Amshel's head.

"Fuck you. Fuck you all."

"GLADLY!"

Amshel, and everyone else, turned slowly to look at Saya, who had voiced her thoughts aloud.

"Oh… did I say that out loud?"

She blushed and laughed awkwardly, then spun around and ran like hell. Maury looked side to side, then motioned for a commercial break.

"I seriously need a new job…"

"Aaaand were back! Our newest guest, Nathan Mahler!"

And the lovely homosexual walked out on stage in a girly manner, blowing kisses to the freaked out people in the audience. Honestly, he reminded me of Michael Jackson on crack… wait, isn't he already-- never mind.

"Alright, Nathan. You told me today that you want to reveal your secrets to the world. What do you want to say?"

Nathan plopped down in the seat beside Maury and smiled.

"Alright world! I'M GAY! Yes, I admit it! I AM SOOOOO GAY! I LOVE YOU SOLOMON! YES, I _DOOOO_!" Nathan began baby talking Solomon. "I love you Solomon."

"I don't love you…"

"Yes you _doooo_! Admit it!"

"Nope. I love Saya, end of story."

"Well, I'M ALSO GAY FOR HAJI! HAJIxNATHAN FOR LIFE!"  
"… No thanks…"

"Also, Diva, you're not my mother."

"What the hell? Yes I am, I gave you blood!"

Diva stood up and pointed at him dramatically.

"No… someone else did… before you and Saya were born."

"You… you cheater!"

Diva wailed in sorrow and ran off to the backstage area. She poked her head out from behind the curtains.

"I never did like your gay ass…"

Maury shook his head and sighed.

"Alright, anymore random and weird guests?"

Silently and slowly, Aluvia walked back onto stage, her eyes puffy from crying.

"I can't deal with the grief of bearing Haji's child,"

She pulled out a small katana and held it in front of her.

"SEPAKKU!"

She cut her stomach and fell to the ground dramatically.

"OH YESSSS! IT HURTS SOOO GOOD!"

"… Sadomasochist…"

Fin!

Yet again, I don't own Aluvia, Bianca does xD

Yes, I am biased against Nathan, I think he's just so freaky… rubbing Solomon's chest like that… grr!

Ja ne!


End file.
